Winning Wars & Dreaming Dreams

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Goals and intentions are good things, but if you are in the middle of a battle (spiritually speaking here), those things just seem like good ideas in the distant future. In my personal opinion, it’s nearly impossible to pursue goals and dreams and be intentional in life when you are right smack dab in the middle of a war. I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and drained from all the fighting, honestly. There’s no way I could think about good ideas and things I wanted to accomplish at that time. This war consumed me. And I had to win it before I could move forward.

In the thick of my  spiritual war, I was living and just getting by with my life priorities and doing the bare minimum (You know… Feed the people. Keep them alive.) all the while craving more of The Word, more worship, more God speaking directly to my heart, more mornings filled with raw emotions before my God and letting Him heal me. This war within me had to be fought (and won!), before I could really focus on anything else in life. And now I think that I can say that it is. So now that this thing is behind me, I can move on to greater and better things -those goals and desires that Christ has put on my heart!

So my husband is a personal trainer at Anytime Fitness, but his passion is Crossfit. The owners of Anytime Fitness here in town also just opened up a Crossfit box (that’s a fancy word for “gym” that Crossfitters like to use), and Justin gets to be the one to run it. He is living out his dream in this. Fitness has never really been my dream. I’ve always loved this idea of fitness, but it has never been something I’ve pursued and stuck with. I’ve gotten comments like “Your husband is a personal trainer…. you must love fitness too.” But that wasn’t the case.

My biggest dream has always been to be a wife and a mother. So I guess you could say that I’m living out my dream too. I”ve been a wife for the past 7 years and a mother for the past 5. I’m very blessed to be a stay at home mama to three little ones. I’ve got some other dreams, but they have been on the backburner for now- none of them take precedence over spending my days at home with my little ones and raising them up to be awesome adults one day. 

So while my first dream is to be a wife and mother, and I am living that out every day, I’m also not going to be one to just let life happen and let it pass me by. If my only goals for my days are to feed the people and keep them alive, I’m not using my time as wisely as I could be and not being the best me that I can be. No. I have goals, areas of focus, and I’m choosing to be intentional with my life. I want to be the best wife, the best mother, the best friend, the best child of God that I can be… and those things don’t just happen by sitting on your bum. I have to actively pursue those things. So what things am I pursing now, you ask??

My personal relationship with God – I’ve got specific goals with this, and I won’t share the specifics, but here’s how I’m actively pursuing these goals and letting God do his work in me: I wake up every morning at 5am to be alone with God. I pray, read, and study God’s word. This is my “Me Time”, and it’s the only time of my day when I am alone, and no one is asking me for juice or if they can have a snack. This has been a struggle for me in the past to find this consistency, honestly. It used to be that the earlier I woke up, the earlier my kids woke up too. But over time they have learned that this is mama’s time, and she’s not going to fix you breakfast until 6:30 or so. So they can either play quietly on their own, grab a granola bar, or keep sleeping in their cozy beds. I guard this time like nothing else, and I even get up early on the weekends now so I can have this time to myself with God.

My Marriage – I’m pretty fond of this man God has given me as a husband. I’m excited that we can do life together… raising our family, doing ministry together at church, running a business together, and now enjoying a common interest of fitness and working out. I want to prioritize spending time with him, helping, and serving him in any way that I can.

Homeschooling & Raising our Children – Our oldest is in Kindergarten this year, and our three year old will be starting preschool. There are lots of mini-goals and plans included in this section, but that’s for another post, another day. Our main goal with this, as a family, is to give them a firm foundation of the things we believe before we send them into the world to make their own marks on it and do their thing. At this time, we don’t know what age that will be for them, but we are homeschooling and raising them at home until we are called to do otherwise.

Ministry – Currently we are serving together as a couple at church to lead our First Impressions teams. I enjoy getting to do all the administrative tasks and responsibilities that come along with this. I’ve also enjoyed getting to know our team members, their needs, and being able to pray for them on a regular basis and see these needs being met and prayers being answered. The struggle for me in this position is the fact that I’m an introvert and talking to people I don’t know in social situations scares me. However, I’m trying not to use this as an excuse, and instead, looking for ways that I can grow in this and become more comfortable in these situations.

Health & Fitness – In the beginning of this journey, I was doing these things for all the wrong reasons. I’ve definitely experienced some heart changes along the journey, and it’s amazing to see how this process unfolds. Some of our goals here have been to streamline our eating by focusing on our macronutrients and drink more water. When I began exercizing, I attempted to do home workouts (which rarely happened). I tried to just move daily by walking and trying to run, and then I got shin splints. I started going to classes at the gym, a free resource for me to utilize as a member. Then, I added in my own workout times and followed a plan I found online. Finally, I switched to Crossfit, because it allowed me to combine my strength and conditioning training with the cardio I needed in less time, which was ideal for this mama.

Homemaking – This includes meal planning, shopping, cooking, and prepping. It includes organizing, tidying, and cleaning our home. It’s all of the planning for seasonal wardrobes and making lists of things that are needed. It’s sorting and purging the things that we no longer need to keep. It’s the laundry and daily maintenance and upkeep. It’s doing all of this and somehow trying to train the children in how they can be helpers to do these things too. It’s a big job for a mama of little ones to do all by herself, so this consistency in training my little helpers is very necessary. It often feels like I’m cleaning up one room, while they are making a mess in another. And if we are working together to do one room at a time, it just seems to take longer, even though we are making progress. I don’t know which is better, but I’d like to think that eventually I will be able to trust them to do some of these things on their own, and we can clean up multiple messes at once. I have hope, and we shall see how this pans out as they grow older.

Hobbies – There are many things that I enjoy doing, but I feel like these things are an inch deep and a mile wide… meaning there are lots of them, I like to do all of them, and they are just interwoven into my life as I see fit and feel like doing them. I haven’t spent much time making any real progress in any of them, but I do them whenever I choose to. Some of these include reading, writing, interior design, organization, planning, sewing, and making homemade bread.

So those are some of the things I’m working on in my life. There are some other dreams I’m dreaming, but I honestly don’t know and can’t really describe to you what they are. I want my dreams to match up with God’s plans for me. As a little girl, I could’ve told you that I wanted to be a teacher (and hey, I’m a homeschool teacher so I guess I got that one right.) But as I grow older, I’ve learned that it’s not just about one thing- what I want to be when I grow up. I can do whatever I want to do – whatever God calls me to do. It may be to be a full-time mama right now who homeschools, maybe it’s an author or blogger at some point, and maybe even later I’ll be running and administrating something even larger one day. I can’t really tell you the answer to that question anymore – what do I want to be when I grow up? All I know is that I want to be what God made me to be. I want to do what He created me to do. And you know – I’m doing just that! I’m living the dream right now and becoming whoever He wants me to be so I can do whatever He calls me to do in the future too.

He helped me win the war. Now he’s helping me dream and live the dream!

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