Perfection. It’s one of those things we have all aimed for at one point or another. We all want to have the perfect body, the perfect house, the perfect children, the perfect everything. We compare ourselves to others to see how we are measuring up, and it’s exhausting. We never can seem to get it all right. Comparison is a thief.

Comparison and striving for perfection leaves us feeling inadequate and less than. It’s not healthy. Perfection isn’t attainable. The only one who’s ever been perfect is Jesus. While, yes, we should strive to always be more like Jesus, perfection is not the life we are called to. We are, instead, called to do the best we can with what we have – to be good stewards of the body, the people, and the things we have been blessed with. That’s a big job in and of itself.

But when we make the decision to be purposeful with our lives – to plan and try do our best, we receive so much grace to allow us to do it. When we let go of perfection, some things may look messy. It may look unaligned and not good enough with our human eyes, but I can assure you God is smiling.

So can we let go of this idea of perfection?

Last night we came home, and the toys needed to be picked up. Several things were out of place. The kitchen was a mess from dinner, and the kids needed baths. We could have spent our evening cleaning until bedtime, and it still would need some help probably. But instead, we put in our Frozen soundtrack, had some living room karaoke, and then we worked on doing handstands in the living room. Lawson said with excitement, “Let’s work on these every day until we get really good at them!” And I’m just thinking that this is awesome – We’ve found something fun we can do together. I’ve been working on this for a while myself with CrossFit, but how cool would it be for him to learn it with me?! (And Linkin is just a natural – he makes it look so easy!)

So I had a fun evening with my children while we waited for Daddy to get home from work. He came home, ate dinner, and took over with the bedtime routine so I could get the kitchen and main areas tidied up. I’m not saying all this to brag. Honestly, this is not my normal habit – but it’s something that I’m learning and I’m working on. It’s why “Read aloud to my children” was a habit I worked on last month, and “Play” is something I’m working on this month. I’m trying to be present. I’m learning that these relationships are more important than any routine or rule I could ever have. While I’m trying to be excellent in keeping our home managed and in order, I’m also trying to steward the hearts of these little people God has given me. Do I want them to look back and remember me as the neat freak who always made them clean up and tidy and put things in order? Well, yes – order is something that I’m teaching them too, but I want them to remember our fun times – the times I wasn’t too busy to sing with them or try to learn something new with them.

Here’s the thing – no two rooms in our home are ever clean at the same time. Seriously I can’t remember the last time. The only way that would ever happen is if my children weren’t here, and that’s obviously not something I want. Instead, we’ve embraced “Clean-ish”, and we try to tidy everything up about twice a day. That’s become good enough for me. I’ve noticed that if I clean up one room, it becomes an invitation to come and play in there. I’m laughing in my head as I write this because I can’t tell you how many times I’ve made up my bed, just to have two little boys come in and wrestle on it, climb the headboard of it, and jump on it. I feel like I should also insert #BoyMom right here. I clean up Layten’s room, and Linkin asks if he can bring in his toys and play in there. We clear the living room, and that big rug is so inviting – it must be time to build a train track that fills the entire room! I honestly would not have it any other way! Let me sneak in a quick vacuum of that rug since it’s clear, and then I will help you build that track. #Goals That’s the mom I want to be.

I’m letting go of perfection. Want to try it with me?

“If you don’t make time for yourself, why don’t you?” The most common answer to this question is guilt. Guilt is wreaking havoc on women’s lives and preventing them from taking care of themselves. The first step in eliminating feelings of guilt for investing in yourself is to give yourself permission.” -Jessica N. Turner in The Fringe Hours

We feel guilty for taking time for ourselves. It’s the silliest thing really. Let me tell you the thing I felt guilty for… In the evenings, my husband would come home and spend time with us, especially our two boys who really wanted time with Daddy after he’d been at work all day. So they would play and wrestle, and I would hold or care for our infant at the time. She wasn’t exactly ready for all the rough-housing that boys do. But at some point in the evening, I would ask my husband if he would take the baby for me so I could get a bath. I always felt guilty for it because the rough and tumble boy play had to come to a halt because now a fragile infant was amongst them. But I just had to tell myself (and sometimes my husband too) that it is okay for me to take a bath. I’m allowed to take one every day. My husband showers every day. My kids take baths every evening (okay not EVERY evening), but I am allowed to do the same. It’s the only time in my day when I was able to get it done, with having an infant who I had to protect and a toddler to supervise. So even though this seems like such a minimal example… it was the first example that came to mind when I thought about the guilt we face as moms.

Another example of guilt I’ve faced is on the weekends, when I really want to just rest and play with the rest of my family… but “A mother’s work is never done.” There is always more laundry or dishes or food to be prepped or chores that didn’t get finished during the week. But this mama has been working all week, just like everyone else. So while it’s taken quite a while for me to do so, I’ve chosen to “put aside the guilt” of the house not being perfectly cleaned or not having all of the same routines I have during the week. I now take the time to relax and do something I enjoy as well. Sure, I still make sure the family is fed and we have clothes to wear. But its the bare minimum. Usually, you can find me sitting next to my husband on the couch with my planner or laptop while he’s watching football. Both of us are being fulfilled and doing things that we enjoy.

I know this may not be possible for everyone. You might have sports events on Saturdays, and there are certainly different seasons of life and of the year as well where the obligations are different. As a mom who stays at home during the week, my children and I get the bulk of the chores done throughout the week so we can have time on the weekends with Daddy here. If you are a working woman, this might look a little different. Maybe you could have a Weekly Home Blessing Hour – where each member of your family tackles their own list of chores for one hour, and then you all have the rest of the day to enjoy together. Seriously, set a timer and see how much you can all collectively get done in that time!

Just try different things to find something that works for you. And then toss away that guilt, and let yourself have some time to do what you really love!

“As moms especially, we often find it hard to give ourselves permission to pursue the things that matter to us. Perhaps we feel that motherhood is our highest calling. And it IS important – don’t get me wrong. But also, maybe deep inside of you… another desire burns. One that is just for you. It might be ignited when you sit down with a good book and a candle burning, in solitude. Or it might be awakened when your feet hit the pavement for an early morning run. Whatever it is, find it.”
-Jessica N. Turner from The Fringe Hours

Being a mom is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I am so blessed by my three children. I get to watch them as they sleep, laugh at their silly personalities, and watch them grow into awesome adults a little tiny bit each day. It really does go by so fast like they all say.

But you know what – I am not ONLY a mother. It’s not my only role in life, and I don’t want to lose myself just because I am a mom now. After all, one day they will be grown and will leave my nest. If being a mother is all that I am, what will I do then? Go crazy, probably. There are enough things here on earth that can make a girl go crazy. That doesn’t need to be one of them. Don’t lose yourself, mamas. It’s not your only role.

So it’s important that I take care of myself first. When I take care of myself and my well-being, I am fulfilled. I’m my best self. Then, it takes my motherhood (as well as my other roles) to a whole ‘nother level of greatness. When I’m happy, I can help the others in my household to be happy as well. You know the saying, “When mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” Well maybe it’s true. Find what it is you love to do. Make the time to do it. Be fulfilled. And then go be a mom. Go be a wife. Go be the Christian that God has called you to be. And go do whatever job you are assigned to do right now – whether it’s staying at home with your littles, homeschooling and blogging, or if it’s being a career woman. Go do your thing, and do it well.

I know as a homeschooling mother, one of the things I think about is what I want my children to grow up to be like. Actually, you probably think about this too for your children. What character traits and values do I want them to have? One of the things that I want for them is that they grow up to love learning new things. I also want them to find what it is that they love and pursue that. I don’t care if it’s helping people find a cure and treat their diseases or fixing cars. It could be performing or teaching or doing missions abroad. I know that God has a plan for each of them. He’s put desires in each of their hearts. They each have their own little personality types and things that make them uniquely them. I don’t want to pressure them to do something that will “make a lot of money” or “be impressive on a resume”. I want them to do what they enjoy, what God has prepared for them to do, and what will ultimately fulfill them in life.

So if I’m going to encourage my children in this, I have to set the example. I have to be doing the thing that I love, the thing that I enjoy, what God has prepared me to do, and what fulfills me too!

So Mamas… Women… Whoever is reading this… It’s time to give yourself permission – permission to find and make time to do the thing that you enjoy so that you can be better at all of your other roles.

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